two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
