Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
