Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
