I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
