You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
