dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
