this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
