Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
