This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
