i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize