So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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