Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
