Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize