Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
