Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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