i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
