Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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