I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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