It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
