I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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