i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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