hotel room ftw
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
