dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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