Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
