I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
