so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
