i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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