I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
