Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
