your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
