i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
