I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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