I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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