he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
