if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
oh god the rape fog is back!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
