You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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