saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
