I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
