You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize