I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
