Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
