thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
