Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
