I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
