I cockslap morals
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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