I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
