I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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