I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
