I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
