How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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