Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
