I was born with a shot glass in my hand
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
