I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
