Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
