I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
