you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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