I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Another day, another engagement, another cat
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
