"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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