i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
