my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
