At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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