I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
