I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
