girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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