can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
