I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
