In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
