I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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