Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
