I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I want to have your abortion
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
