Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
