you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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