in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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