yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
