sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
