Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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