At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
