and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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