Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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