I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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