so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
