It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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