Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
