do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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