my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Randomize
