I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
