mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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