Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Sober January is a disaster.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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