I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
