Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
