Three words: puerto rican gang bang
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
