She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
