idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
