Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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