Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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