also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
