I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
