um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize