Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
