I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize