and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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