I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Drunk is not a location!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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