if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
