Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
