Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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